How will I greet this day?

Coloring with my peeps...

I have been wanting to buy some canvas for my kids to draw me pics to hang around the apartment since I have no pictures up yet.  Last weekend, they were on sale at Joann's so I got the kids each one and some oil pastels and they went to town.  

At first, Jake was uninspired.  He, for some reason thinks that he can't draw like Brenna can.  I mentioned his growing love for baseball and all of a sudden the light bulb turned on and that was all it took.  

Brenna's picture is all about happiness and candy.  LOL  I love that it says "smile" on it.  It sort of reminds me of the line from "Notting Hill"... "Happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat".  Not sure why, but it does.  

Jake's picture... now who would ever say that this boy can't draw???  I love them both so much and can't wait to get them on my walls.  I plan on getting some more canvas and putting these hand drawn pictures all over the place.  

And... that's me doing my anatomy homework (studying Osteology here).  My kids think it is so awesome that I get to color on my homework!  I kinda like it too.  Did I mention I LOVE school?  

Where can I turn for peace?

First, I have to apologize for continuously writing about my struggles.  They are some of the biggest I have faced in my lifetime and venting them here with such great feedback really helps me to feel encouraged and loved.  So thank you for bearing with me.  

I was reading my young friend Jessica's blog and found this.  I think this would be a great daily devotional for me to add to my other two talks that I listen to.  It seems that, despite my trying to do a lot of the things that he suggests in this short video, I still manage to get down on myself.  For those who wonder if this means that I am doubting my decision, the answer is NO.  That is not the case.  I knew there would be consequences to all this and that is what I am facing now.  

And, in a LOT of ways I am facing it ALONE.  I have had MANY spiritual experiences throughout the course of all of this that have helped build me up and I know that Heavenly Father is there for me, but it is a different type of alone.  It is one I have felt for many years now.   It is one that I know how to remedy, but it isn't the right time yet.  I still feel everything that I mentioned in my last post, but some days/weeks are harder than others.  

I have AMAZING friends that have stood by me and taken great care of me.  And by that, I simply mean the prayers, and unbelievable thoughtfulness.   A couple of weeks ago, I had the day off for my birthday and I got to go to lunch with some of Brenna's friends Courtney, Lora and Chelsea(who are mine too) and their amazing moms, Carrie, Tara and Tara. We went to NYPD and had some yummy pizza.  Before I got there the girls used the paper plates and crayons to color pictures and sweet notes for me.  Then they serenaded me with "Happy Birthday".  I was welling up as they all gave me hugs.  I have to say, this MADE MY DAY!  I felt so much love from and for these sweet girls!  Here is a picture of them hanging on my wall in my apartment (since I haven't put pics up yet, hee hee!) 

In our Professional Development class at ASMT, our teacher talks A LOT about "Breakdowns".  What are breakdowns that we have in our lives?  For some, it could be financial, others could have toxic friends or addictions that bring them down and many more.  But, he had to mention  all of my breakdowns first... divorce/separation, not having enough time with your kids...  I lost it!  (There is also the fact that I have NEVER felt like I am done having children and Brenna wrote me a list of 25 reasons I need to have a baby girl).  I sit in the front row of class, so I couldn't just inconspicuously get up and leave.  I stayed in my seat and just wiped my tears as best I could.  Then, later in the class, he put on a CD with the song "Why Can't We Be Friends?" (love that song) and asked us all to dance as a group.  Then he looked me straight in the eye and got a big smile on his face.  "Oh NO!"  I thought as he approached me with his hand reached out.  Yep, he took my hand and pulled me to the center of the class to dance with him.  I fought it at first, saying "NO, NO!" But in the end I gave in.  While it was only a matter of seconds, I am sure my face was bright red! 

 Although, this was completely out of my box, it made me smile and laugh and I am grateful to refocus on the GOOD things that are happening.  I am the recipient of MANY blessings!  

Just bought this yummy song...

The chorus reminds me of my kids.  The rest of the song is good too, just doesn't apply to my kids.  

"Goodnight and Go"   by Imogen Heap

"Why'd ya have to be so cute?"

"...Impossible to ignore you"

"must you make me laugh so much?"

"any excuse to stay awake with you"

Update on me...

A journal entry.

Well, sort of.  I won't be sharing any really deep feelings here. 

Life has been sort of an emotional roller coaster and that stems from a number of things.  

I have lived on my own now for a little over 3 months now. I started working pretty close to full time for a couple of podiatrists and I am going to school.  I only see my kids on the weekends and whenever I can during the week. THAT is the hardest part!  I tend to get weepy at random parts of the day over that. But, I am really trying to find my new normal.  This is all very foreign to me and I am trying to stay positive.  Some days are easier than others.  I am SO grateful for friends and family that check on me daily.  It means so much to me. Those of you know how it was before, know that this is how it has to be and I appreciate your support in that. This is my new life and I have to be strong.  I am relying on the Lord more than ever and I know that my prayers are being answered.  I listen to two talks almost every day (I am sure soon I will have committed them to memory).  They are this one and this one.  They both give me hope help to remind me of my purpose. I can say now with great certainty, that I feel like I will be ok!   

In May I started the Arizona School of Massage Therapy and I absolutely love it.  I go to school Monday through Thursday nights in Tempe.  Every night is a different class and it is broken up into 5 sessions for the year to come.  The classes I am taking right now are Anatomy 1, Massage Therapy basics, Reflexology, Professional Development and I just finished First Aid/CPR. 

 I have different teachers for all the classes and they all bring different styles to the program.  I think my Anatomy teacher is my favorite though.  His 3 1/2 hour lectures just fly by.  He sounds a bit like a game show host when he talks and he is always saying how, if you change your wording about parts of the body, you can impress your friends at parties.  LOL   It's funny, because I was most afraid of this class since I have such terrible retention.  Surprisingly, I am getting really good grades! YAY!  My teacher has such a passion for teaching anatomy and he makes it FUN.  Sometimes he is a bit gross, but it is necessary since some of anatomy is kind of gross.  :) I think that my kids would get a kick out of this class.  When I get the chance I teach them some of the interesting things I have learned about the body and they are fascinated.  They have the most amazing questions for me and such keen insight as well.  And, they love to help me study.  

I really love Reflexology!  It is amazing the techniques that are used to help in specific problem areas in the body.  I know a lot of people don't like feet, but I LOVE them.  Thanks to my kids and Jenny, I am getting lots of practice.  

I am really excited about Massage Therapy basics.  There is SO much to learn about it and I know it will all just start to flow naturally the more I practice.  We started the class by learning about "Beingness".  This word always reminds me of my friend Tara Whitney (her theme in life "Just Be") and the sweet comment she left when I first mentioned  going to school here on my blog.  "Beingness" is just that connection you develop with your client.  Still working on that one as I develop all the right body mechanics and learn all of the modalities. There is one thing I am still getting used to...we are all in the classroom, each with a partner of our choosing.  We set up the tables with our sheets and towels and the room goes dark. Since we take turns,  the one on the table first undresses under the sheet, while the partner protects us from being exposed.  Then, the therapist proceeds to "drape" the one on the table VERY MODESTLY to expose only the skin being worked on.  All of this can be tricky, but I am getting the hang of it.  

 

I LOVE school and I am so glad I made the choice to go back.  I am grateful to recognize the Lord's hand in helping me through this time.  Grateful there is a plan for me.  I am learning so much about myself as I progress through this trying time in my life.  Happy to report that I have hope that good things lie in store for me.  

What do sweaty men have in common with dead cats?

Just ask Jake!

So, we were on our way home from Bahama Bucks, and the kids were telling me all about the batting cages.  

Brenna says "... Except they smell like wet dog"

Jake says (in his high-pitched Pinocchio voice) "More like wet cat." 

Brenna says "It's the sweaty men."

Jake says "The sweaty men smell more like DEAD cats!"  

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  AW man!  I was rolling! 

Farewell my friend...

At the beginning of this month, I received word that a dear and most darling friend of mine had left this earthly life.  

My friend Tiffany was part of a large group of friends in high school that would consistently hang out every weekend.  She was known for her intelligence and her drive to be the best at what she did. She was also known for big hair and wearing red.  :)  

While high school was all fun and games, her adulthood was somewhat challenging for her.  She endured it as best as she could.  

This is a picture of us in the recording studio at Magic Mountain.  It was pouring rain outside, so to keep warm we decided we would cut a record.  LOL  We sang "Lean On Me".  I cannot hear that song without hearing these amazing friends singing with me.   (Mark Hunsaker, Brian Carroll, Mikie Lyster, Angela Poole, me, Marlane Clegg, Heather Crone, and Tiffany Nielson)

I can't say that I was so great at keeping in touch with her over these last few years and for that I will always be remorseful.  She will forever be in my heart as a dear friend.  

 

These are some friends from high school that were able to attend the funeral.  It was good to see them, but we sure wish it was under different circumstances.  Her memorial was beautiful.  Two of her sisters spoke and two beautiful musical numbers (including her brother in law) "Where Can I Turn For Peace?" (which is a favorite of mine) and "How Great Thou Art" were shared.  Her brother in law also put together a moving slide show of pictures of Tiffany's life.  All you could hear were sniffles throughout the chapel.  Of course the meeting closed with "God Be With You Till We Meet Again", which I absolutely love, but can barely sing, for obvious reasons.  

The funeral took place in Corona, California and the internment was at Olivewood Memorial Park in Riverside, where she is buried next to her husband and love of her life... Ryan Norman.  

With help from some of my friends we have started a blog to honor our sweet friend.  Hopefully we will be adding many more of her living memories soon.  

Love you Tiff.  

Father's Day treats

The kids were brainstorming what to do for Adam for Father's Day and I happened on one of the blogs I occasionally take a look (Bakerella) and found these fun treats.  

Here are some pictures of the kids putting them together.  They did most of the work, I just guided them.  Of course they wanted to lick every bowl, spoon, spatula or whisk they could get their hands on.  LOL  

We did all the baking last night and then assembled them this morning.  If you have a REAL sweet tooth, then these are the treats for you.  Brenna even got some extra frosting and turned it into "Ketchup".  Now that's Ketchup I WILL eat!  

10-day California trip 09

Here are some sites from visits on our trip:

Griffiths Observatory

Grauman's Chinese Theater

Newport Beach (LDS) Temple

See the pictures and descriptions (on the sidebar or click on the link)  for more about our trip in the album entitled 10-day California trip 09

Way Back Home...

by Lora and Brenna!  Look for their album in stores soon!  Download Way Back Home

They kinda wish!  

Life is crazy busy...

but I really want to take time out to do this every day.  

My darling friend Shelly had this on her blog and I wanted to share.  Thanks Shelly. 

I love this message from President Eyring... "Have I seen His hand in my life?" 

Last year, I started a journal with only entries containing things I was grateful for, but unfortunately life got really messy and I stopped writing anything at all.  I am hoping that posting this will help me to commit to finding those influences of the Lord in my life.  I have SO much to be grateful for!