I don't really know where to begin. My emotions are so surfaced and since I am pretty sure I have 2 blog readers and they may have already given up on me, I feel safe to vent here.
I am convinced that the reason I am getting through this time is due to prayer. I can't account for any other reason to maintain a 4.0 GPA, perfect attendance, balancing out the craziness of my emotional and structured life and maintain a tiny bit of a social life. My poor kids... I feel like we are ALWAYS in a hurry to be somewhere. And mommy is always grumpy on Sunday nights when I have to give them back or if my time with them is cut short. Shouldn't I be more kindhearted if my time is lessened? In a perfect world I guess... but in my world it makes me grumpy and I have to really refocus on being anything short of "Little miss crankypants". I have 5 1/2 weeks left of school and believe-you-me... the countdown is on. My kids and I are SO excited. I am overwhelmed too, but that is another post.
In that amount of time, I will also be single. I'll be dating. After 16 years of marriage, am I ready? So much has changed... from what I hear. I am older. I have changed. I have two kids. And I want to have more. I am so nervous and so excited too.
These past few weeks have been particularly hard... I feel like "calamity Jane". :) For everything good that happens there is something not so good right behind it. IE: went for a walk/run on one of the most beautiful days and when I got home I realized I lost my key on the walk and locked myself out of my apartment. And the next day found the key in my shoe where it was all along. Blonde moment? Had my fair share of those lately. There are so many of these trying moments lately (this is just a mild example of one) and while I feel like I am being tested, I am also reminded as I say my prayers at night that there are SO many others that have REAL problems, like cancer.
So, I have always had a testimony of prayer and tithing, but tonight I had blessings from both. This week has been extremely tight for me. My hours are cut at work (which is fine by me) and that takes a toll on the pocketbook. Last week, I wrote out that tithing check amongst the other bills and knew it was going to be so tight, but I knew I'd get through it. I prayed last night for blessings from tithing not knowing where money could possibly come from. Tonight at school, they made an announcement that they would be passing out refund checks from student loans. Honestly, I tuned them out and focused on studying for my final exam and didn't believe that a check for me was in that stack. Sure enough they called my name and I was in SHOCK! I almost started crying... in fact I had to fight back the tears. One more example that Heavenly Father knows ME! He loves me and knows my needs and hears me at any given hour... even if I am babbling something in prayer as I drift off to sleep at night.
If you are still reading, thanks for hearing me out.